<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Fix Me Or Just Conflict Me by trashing-the-trashmouth (summerforbran)</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25458079">Fix Me Or Just Conflict Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerforbran/pseuds/trashing-the-trashmouth'>trashing-the-trashmouth (summerforbran)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (Movies - Muschietti)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Communication Failure, M/M, Trans Richie Tozier, they are both messy right now but I have plans, unrequited feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:47:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,293</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25458079</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerforbran/pseuds/trashing-the-trashmouth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Richie couldn’t do anything but watch as Steve sat up, and turned away from him. “I wish I could be better,” Richie stated, and watched as Steve’s shoulders relaxed slightly. “I… I don’t know why I’m so bad at this. It’s been my whole life.” Richie didn’t even know why he was confessing this. It wasn’t what he’d been planning to say when he opened his mouth, but he couldn’t stop himself once he’d started talking. “I’ve always been a fucking wreck when it comes to-“</p><p>“Fucking your manager?” Steve looked back at Richie, eyebrow raised.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve Covall/Richie Tozier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fix Me Or Just Conflict Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is essentially a prequel to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24479128/chapters/59084053">Monsters Are Always Hungry</a>! I wrote a bit of Richie and Steve in that, and got attached. Anyway, I have a lot of ideas, so y’all can expect to see more of Steve from me in the near future!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The early morning light that flitted into Richie’s bedroom wasn’t what had woken him up. No. He’d been awake for a while, lost in thought as he looked over at the man who was lying next to him. Still sound asleep. Richie couldn’t even bring himself to touch him, though. Everything had been a mistake that had gotten way out of hand, and Richie couldn’t think of a way to get out of it. Not in any way that wasn’t messy at best, or absolutely devastating to his career at worst. </p><p>Pursuing this “relationship” with Steve had been an awful idea. Richie knew that from the start, but he never thought that it would become anything more serious than that first one night stand that <i>he’d</i> initiated. Yet there they were, nearly five years after their first tryst. They weren’t lovers, no. At least, Richie wouldn’t say that they were. They were fuck buddies, and nothing more. That was the only way Richie could think to guarantee his own safety. He couldn’t break Steve’s heart if they weren’t dating. It was on Steve if he fell in love with Richie. Richie didn’t know <i>why</i> he couldn’t seem to develop those feelings for Steve. He treated Richie well, and they got along (when they weren’t butting heads over Richie’s material). In truth, Richie knew that he probably wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for Steve, but he didn’t love him. Even though he tried. God, did he try. He didn’t know if he could even say they were friends.</p><p>A sudden stir from Steve brought Richie out of his thoughts, and he rolled over onto his other side. It wasn’t long before he felt Steve’s arms wrap around him, and his lips touch the back of his neck. “You awake?” Steve’s sleepy voice asked directly in his ear, before he began kissing down his neck.</p><p>Richie squeezed his eyes shut as Steve’s lips tickled his neck. “No… sleeping,” he murmured. </p><p>“Looks like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”</p><p>“Don’t forget that it’s my bed you’re sleeping in!” Richie snapped, somewhat more irritably than he’d intended.</p><p>Steve sighed, and and rested his forehead against Richie’s bare back. For just a second, Richie imagined another man holding him. He didn’t know who’s arms he wanted around him; he just knew it wasn’t Steve. If he concentrated hard enough, he could <i>almost</i> picture Steve as somebody else. Could almost put a face to the man he’d been fantasizing about for years. In a sense, he felt more real than anybody in Richie’s daily life. The fantasies had been going on for so long, Richie didn’t even remember why they had started, or who his hypothetical lover was supposed to be. All he knew was that when he rolled over, the only person who’d be there to greet him was Steve. The thought made his stomach drop. More than anything, Richie hated how guilty he felt for not wanting him. Especially because he knew that Steve wanted to be with him, no matter how often he lied to himself in an attempt to make himself believe it was just casual sex for either of them.</p><p>Eventually, Richie made himself roll over to face Steve. The look on Steve’s face was such a stark contrast to the expression he normally received first thing in the morning that it was almost startling. Steve’s eyes just seemed so sad. As though he could see exactly what Richie was feeling just by looking at him. Maybe he’d known right from the beginning, and was humoring Richie the same way Richie had been humoring him. Just going by the look in Steve’s eyes, Richie was sure that his own eyes were reflecting Steve’s sadness back at him. <i>Maybe you’re not faking this as well as you thought, Tozier. There’s a reason you aren’t in any blockbuster movies.</i></p><p>All Richie could think to do was reach out to gently caress Steve’s cheek. “I’m sorry… I know I’m not the best-“ Richie cut himself off, and gestured vaguely. What could he even claim to be to Steve?</p><p>Steve sighed wearily, but he touched Richie’s chest in return. His thumb just barely touching one of the scars on his chest, trailing over it with a feather-light touch. “That’s the problem, Rich.” Steve was talking much slower and softer than normal. It was clear that he’d been thinking about their predicament as seriously as Richie was. “We’re not really anything to each other, are we?” The question was followed with a pointed look. One that made Richie feel like he was a child being scolded, and he wanted to look away from Steve as quickly as possible. He couldn’t, though. He knew he was right.</p><p>Richie couldn’t do anything but watch as Steve sat up, and turned away from him. “I wish I could be better,” Richie stated, and watched as Steve’s shoulders relaxed slightly. “I… I don’t know why I’m so bad at this. It’s been my whole life.” Richie didn’t even know why he was confessing this. It wasn’t what he’d been planning to say when he opened his mouth, but he couldn’t stop himself once he’d started talking. “I’ve always been a fucking wreck when it comes to-“</p><p>“Fucking your manager?” Steve looked back at Richie, eyebrow raised.</p><p>“Shut up!” Richie rolled his eyes, but he was glad that Steve was still willing to talk to him. “I’m trying to apologize to you.”</p><p>Steve laughed lightly, and laid down again. “We could probably both be better. I could’ve been clearer with you,” he conceded. “We’ve been going at this for a while, and it just feels like we’re stuck in this weird limbo. Nothing’s changed, and it’s hard to even bring it up to you, because you ice me out.”</p><p>Despite feeling like Steve had just taken a jab at him, Richie nodded. He wanted to point out that Steve wouldn’t be the one destroyed if anybody caught wind of them. Steve might get a slap on the wrist, but otherwise he’d be okay. He’d get other clients. Richie would be through, though. Just the thought of  the possibility of Steve saying the wrong thing to the wrong people, outing him out of maliciousness, made Richie feel sick. He pulled Steve to him, and kissed his neck. “I’m really trying here, Eds.”</p><p>The mistake didn’t even register with Richie until Steve jerked away from him, brow furrowed. “Eds?”</p><p>For a moment, Richie just stared at him, dumbfounded. “I don’t… I don’t know where I got that from, Ed-Steve. Steve!” Why was “Eds” so familiar to Richie? He was sure he’d never called anybody that before, but he had just slipped. Nearly <i>twice</i>. Still it had felt so natural. <i>Where the fuck did that come from?</i></p><p>Wordlessly, Steve got out of bed, and began getting dressed.</p><p>“I think you’re overreacting, Steve. I don’t know why I said that.”</p><p>Richie was expecting Steve’s expression to be one of anger when he finally turned to look at him, but there was no anger on his face or in his eyes. Just hurt. Richie flinched.</p><p>“You don’t have to get me mixed up with other guys you’re fucking. It kinda pours salt in the wound, Rich.” The sad smile Steve gave Richie before making his way to the door felt like a punch to the guy. In a way, Richie almost preferred that Steve had punched him. “Don’t forget that dinner you have scheduled for tonight.”</p><p>With that, Steve was gone, and Richie was left staring at the bedroom door. He hoped that Steve would walk back in, but as the minutes passed on it was clear that he’d truly left. Richie was alone.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>